10 Steps To Be More Assertive

Assertion is standing up for ourselves in such a way that we also respect the rights of others. It may not guarantee good behaviour in others, but it is the only possible starting point in a constructive exchange.

This is definitely NOT the correct starting point for an assertive exchange …..


  1. It starts with the way you look and sound; stand or sit up straight, keep your jaw relaxed, keep your voice calm and even. Breathe…..
  2. Make our position clear – I need, I believe, I prefer
  3. Speak for ourselves – I find, in my experience
  4. Find out where others stand – What do you think, how does that fit with you?
  5. Show understanding – I understand your concern about…I know you have a lot to do…
  6. Brief and direct messages – I need to change the date for… or I need to talk to you about what happened yesterday
  7. Try to solve problems – How can we get round this?
  8. Allow others to decide for themselves – How about…? Would it work if…..?
  9. Persist - Excuse me, I would like to finish my statement.
  10. Express feelings – I am really angry about what happened last week…


View our video on communication styles on the home page and dowlnload the ebooklet for free.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>